13 Sep Ladies: Sex Is Not An Obligation – It Is Divine Nourishment
So I’m feeling inspired by a recent conversation with one of my clients… Which resembles the conversations I’ve had with innumerable clients over many, many years.
And let me tell you, my heart breaks for the sad state of affairs in the realm of masculine & feminine dynamics in our culture.
It has absolutely broken my heart to hear the stories I’ve received from clients over the years about their relationships with wives in long term relationships.
And to sum it up, I’ll put it succinctly: it seems that a lot of (what I would consider normal, mainstream, heteronormative, middle class) married couples are having a huge problem when creating intimacy with each other, and that a lot of women seem to lose interest in having sex, or are generally really shut down or totally blocked around sexuality – even non-sexual intimacy like cuddling.
LADIES: This makes me so sad.
Making Love is one of the peak experiences of life! Sex is divine nourishment! Having sex has the capacity to lead to the most exquisite states of ecstasy, and can bring such celestial states of transcendence, bliss, deep relaxation and nourishment to our bodies and spirits.
I genuinely don’t understand why other women don’t want to have sex. I absolutely, in no way whatsoever, believe this myth that sex is something that only men want and that women aren’t just as carnal and driven by pleasure and bliss.
BLISS IS EVERYBODY’S BIRTHRIGHT!!!!! Yours. Mine. Men’s. Women’s. Everybody’s. Everybody of every gender on the spectrum deserves bliss and pleasure.
YOU DESERVE PLEASURE AND BLISS. And you deserve it to be shared with love, kindness, respect, care, consent and connectivity.
One of the things that I have gathered in my conversations with clients over the years is that there are a LOT of (normal / mainstream / heteronormative / “successful”) married couples that NEVER TALK ABOUT SEX with their partners.
Seriously? What the fuck is up with that? Can someone please explain that to me. Why aren’t you talking EXPLICITLY with your partner about your sex life? Why aren’t you talking about what you feel in your body, what turns you on, what is happening to you while you’re having sex, what your favorite positions are, talking about your interest in anal sex and butt plugs, and what your favorite oils to use are? Good god. I love talking about sex with the men I’m lovers with.
Now, I am of the opinion that in order to have amazing sex, a man needs to learn how to ride his edge, his peak state of ecstasy, and be able to bring a woman into her peak state for at least 30 to 60 to 90 minutes. (I’d prefer a minimum of 60 minutes, thankyouverymuch.)
I’ve gathered from many conversations with clients, however, that a lot of normal married women want their husbands to climax as fast as possible so they can be done with this laborious sex thing that they feel they have to do, as a service, as an obligation, to their husband.
I’ve gathered that there are a lot of wives that would rather be doing anything but having sex with their husbands. And they’ve got a gazillion excuses for why they don’t want to have sex. You’re tired. You’re exhausted. You’ve been slaving over the children. You’ve been working your ass off. Got it.
But here’s what I truly don’t understand! Sex is the most nourishing thing you can do for yourself! Sex is more revitalizing and rejuvenating and nourishing than getting a pedicure or a manicure, by far! Sex is more revitalizing and rejuvenating than getting a massage from a professional! Sex is more revitalizing and rejuvenating than sitting down and watching TV! There’s nothing that makes you feel more pampered and luxurious than being EXQUISITELY FUCKED!
I understand we don’t always have the energy for sex. I get it. We need to be taking good care of ourselves, in good health and feeling energized in order to feel sexy. But from a Taoist perspective, having a good healthy sex life is an important, integral part of your overall health-care maintenance practice and good sex WILL balance you energetically, and especially for women it’s more likely to make you feel more energized than depleted.
I don’t know about you ladies, but my goal in life is to be an exquisitely WELL FUCKED WOMAN (thanks Kim Anami) who is imbued with profound states of celestial bliss with my boyfriend(s) on a regular basis.
Here’s where I’m going to get all Taoist on y’all.
Yang (masculine) nourishes the Yin (feminine) with his force, vitality and virility. Yin nourishes the Yang with her bliss, her relaxation, her sensuality, her openness, her surrender, her melting.
Yin nourishes Yang. Yang nourishes Yin. WE NEED EACH OTHER.
There is no better way to be well nourished, on a mind+body+spirit level, than to be well fucked! We need each other; for balance, for harmony, for bliss, and divine soul nourishment!
Ladies! Don’t you want to have hot sex on a regular basis, to RELIEVE STRESS? To experience your own peak states of pleasure and bliss…? To forget about all the crap in the world that is weighing you (and your partner) down?!?
Perhaps you don’t find your partner attractive. Perhaps you think you don’t actually like sex. (I don’t buy it.) Perhaps your partner doesn’t have a dick that gets you wet. Perhaps your partner comes too fast and it’s driving you crazy. Perhaps it’s this thing or that thing. In that case, don’t you want to start talking about it, and start working with professionals – so you can both get your needs met? Or perhaps you’re too scared to rock the boat because you’re too invested in the marriage, what with the stability and the kids and everything, and you think that if you start talking about how disappointing the sex is, the marriage and all your stability and security will fall apart, and you’re completely dependent on your partner even though you’re not willing to talk to him about how you actually feel?!? Good god girl, grow some ovaries, and PLEASE stop using alcohol to get into the mood. (ie, disassociate from your body and your sensations and your partner, in order to finally feel free enough to have sex.)
In my humble opinion, the Taoist / Tantric perspective of cultivating full presence, deeply harmonizing with your partner, learning how to listen to your own body and your partner’s bodies, and learning how to use mindfulness, relaxation, SLOWING DOWN and breathing to channel love & sex into your experience is the way to get both partners what they want…. Mutual, deep, penetrating, adoring, loving, celestial rapture…… The best nourishment on the planet.
And the best part is, it will never feel like an obligation.
(Artwork by Geoglyphiks)