05 Oct I am a Feminist Erotic Practitioner.
I am a Feminist.
And I am a Tantric Erotic Bodywork Practitioner that works in the Adult Industry.
Maybe that seems like a contradiction in terms. It does sometimes seem like my work is on the frontline of the trenches in the gender war, in the battle to dismantle the patriarchy one man at a time.
Let me make it absolutely clear to all of you men out there that my work is deeply rooted in Anti-Oppression beliefs, and that women should have complete freedom and autonomy over their bodies.
It should be obvious by now that I am another woman who actively opposes Rape Culture. I am disgusted by the Kavanaugh debacle. The #MeToo phenomenon has been heartbreaking and a big opportunity to look at my own experiences with men not respecting boundaries. What has been happening with Bill Cosby & Harvey Weinstein is profoundly appalling, but is a necessary time of reckoning for our culture at this time.
My feminist perspectives are actually quite simple, and can be broken down into a few bite sized nuggets.
- I believe that women should have full reproductive rights and freedom of choice over their own bodies. I don’t believe anyone should ever take away a woman’s right to choose what to do with her own body. I actively support the right of all women to have an abortion if that is what they want. It’s your body. It’s your choice what to do with it.
- I believe in CONSENT. I believe that consent is increasingly becoming one of the most important things to understand and cultivate an awareness of, in regards to sexuality. Always ask for consent. Getting consent is sexy. Never assume a mindset of being entitled to someone else’s body. Allow women to give you the opportunity to say Yes or No, and choose from an empowered place, rather than from feeling manipulated, coerced or obligated.
- I believe in ending Rape Culture. This should be obvious, but clearly it’s not. Our culture is built on a foundation of unethical violation of women’s bodies, and has created a vast chasm between women and men, and has made it nearly impossible for the healing of trauma to happen. This trauma has been handed down from generation to generation, and has resulted in women feeling unsafe and creating almost impenetrable boundaries and walls that separate themselves sexually & emotionally from men. If we are ever to live in a world where people live lives filled with love, sensuality, joy, deep fulfillment through getting our valid intimacy needs met – we will absolutely have to dismantle rape culture – because more than anything else, it has created an almost impenetrable wall that divides the masculine and the feminine.
- I believe in ending Shame and Guilt around Sex and Our Bodies. The Shame and Guilt programming around sexuality and our bodies is actually one of the biggest tools that the patriarchy ever used on us, to keep us disconnected from our bodies, and therefore disconnected from our empowered life force energy. There is no more clever way to create a hierarchical, dominance & submission culture, centered around some people having power over others and other people not having power, than to make people feel powerless and ashamed for having access to their joy, their liberation, their ecstatic and orgasmic life force energy. The culture war between the Christians and the Pagans is essentially a war between the Repressed and the Primal (the Fully Alive.) The most patriarchal cultures on the planet are also the ones with the most repressive attitudes towards sexuality. Therefore, in order to be truly anti-patriarchal, we must also be willing to dismantle the shame, guilt and fear around our sexuality. We must be able to be authentic, fully embodied human beings. Liberation is not just a concept, it is a way of being.
- I believe that the Objectification of Women is a Real Problem. Look, you might be saying to yourself – WTF – You’re in the adult industry. How can you be talking about the sexual objectification of women and be taken seriously? My work has always been deeply rooted in bringing the male gaze back into the body – through cultivating a mindfulness perspective of sexuality, rather than focusing on the external visuals of the feminine form. Look, I realized a long time ago that the reason why so many men suck in bed is because they were never adequately taught how to work with the sexual energy in their bodies, and instead used porn to jack off, get their hormonal addiction fix taken care of as fast as possible and get back to work. While it’s true that I deeply appreciate and admire the beauty of the feminine body, and the exquisite sensuality of ‘The Goddess’… I also believe that Sex isn’t about how you look – but about how you are TUNED INTO THE SENSUALITY OF YOUR BODY AND CONNECTED TO THE OTHER PERSON. You could be voluptuous and the most amazing lover in the universe, and you could be “in shape” and “ripped” and be so focused on how you look while you’re having sex that you’re not actually experiencing the divine current of sexual ecstasy vibrating through your body, and completely disconnected from your partner.
I want us all to have amazing sex lives. I want to have an amazing sex life. And I want you to have an amazing, fulfilling sex life. And I absolutely believe that it is something we all deserve. But we must simultaneously dismantle the internalized programming that represses our life force energy, and keeps us enslaved and indoctrinated with fear, guilt and shame.
Simultaneously, I want all men to be an ally to women. We women are having a watershed moment in our culture, and are asking the masculine to protect the feminine from rape culture. We need you to be allies. We need you to care with your beautiful, protective hearts, and protect the beauty, the love and sensuality you receive from the feminine. End the use of language that shames women into being hoes and bitches. End the locker room talk. End the “Boys will be boys” narrative. End the good old boys network. Treat women with respect and dignity. And practice consent with every woman you engage with in your life.
Thanks for listening.