29 Jan Edging & The Transorgasmic State
One of my former lovers talked frequently and extensively about the holy grail of sexuality: “The Transorgasmic State.”
Due to my former lover’s predilection towards extremely esoteric perspectives with regards to everything, it took me a long time to understand what exactly this was. He wrote: “The States of Consciousness achieved in TOS (transorgasmic sex) are none other than varying levels of Enlightenment itself.”
What does that mean? And how can we attain “enlightenment” through sex?
It was only after one of our lovemaking sessions, that I finally began to understand what he was talking about. I was blessed in that my lover had stamina and was able to make love for a very long time, and bring me to states of ecstasy that would literally make me fall over fainting. I could barely stand up afterwards. Even quickie sex had a level of intensity that made me feel like I was dying.
The amazing part is, he never came! He never ejaculated. And he was able to maintain a pretty consistent erection for a pretty long time. And he was able to stay in that state of ecstasy for quite a while, until I was obliterated many times over.
What he taught me was that the goal of sex is not to come. The goal of sex is *not* to have an orgasm, but to be in the frequency of ecstasy… for as long as possible.
As a result, what I have learned and cultivated is how to ride the edge of the extreme state of arousal, and to be in the peak state of ecstasy for as long as possible. Because the goal is not about getting off. The goal is about getting on, and staying on and being in that state of ON FIRE for… 45 minutes or an hour or 90 minutes or all night and the next day.
The big obstacle that men face is the issue of being overwhelmed by pleasure and wanting to climax when they hit their first peak.
Many men cannot handle peak states of ecstasy. This is a problem.
From a Taoist perspective, women are a pot of water and men are the fire. The goal of sex is to get a woman to becoming boiling hot water. But in order to do that, a man needs to practice being able to maintain being hot and on fire for as long as possible, in order to apply enough heat to bring the woman to her boiling point. Many men are only able to handle 5 to 10 minutes of pleasure and get overwhelmed and lose their heat. What this does is get a woman to a point of simmering, and the energy is dispersed before being able to get her to a raging boil.
We have been taught many great lies in this sexually confused civilization; that sex is about having an orgasm, getting each other off, and that sex is about how sexually attractive you are.
Sex is not about having an orgasm! Sex is about getting into the orgasmic state, where two people are commingling in the frequency of ecstasy and pleasure together, and communicating with each other through the language of pleasure. This state of ecstasy is known as the Transorgasmic State. It is through being in this vibrational state of ecstasy where you are merging profoundly with each other, that you are nourishing each other with your vital energy and rebalancing each other’s body, mind & spirit.
But how do men learn how to get into this state? By beginning with edging.
For many men, this will take time, dedication and practice to cultivate. The goal here is about arriving to a peak state of arousal and *NOT* climaxing. You want to get near to the state of climax, but not close enough that you will climax unconsciously.
So, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being climaxing and 9 being 30 seconds to a minute away from climaxing, where are you on that scale?
When you are at an 8.5 or 9, then you are nearing the orgasmic state.
The goal of Transorgasmic Sex is to get into the state where you are at a 9 to 9.8 for 15 minutes or 20 minutes or 45 minutes or longer.
The goal of sex is to be at 9.5 for as long as possible.
If that’s challenging, then you practice on your own. You practice getting yourself to 8.5 and backing away. You practice getting yourself to 9 and backing away. You get yourself to 9.2 and take deep breaths and relax and calm your nervous system down. You get yourself to 9.5 and squeeze your perineum and relax and do deep abdominal breathing.
You want to practice getting to 9.5 and not ejaculating at all. There is a science to this practice that is repeatable and consistent with practice and patient cultivation. This is not a theoretical concept.
Some people seem to be more naturally blessed and other people seem to have greater challenges and difficulties in this department, but with cultivation and practice – this can become consistent and expectable, not unusual.
You want to get comfortable with being overwhelmed by ecstasy and NOT NEEDING to climax. Or climaxing every few times you have sex.
Because you want to get comfortable being overwhelmed by ecstasy.
Ecstasy is the language of the soul. Ecstasy is what inspires and motivates me, as I am a student of this most primal power that resides within every one of us. We are all embodiments of this life force energy that resides within us, that connects Heaven and Earth.
Heaven and Earth, when they come together in union, create a powerful electrical current of ecstasy that flows through us like a lightning bolt. What we want, in sex, is to become an open gateway for a lightning bolt of ecstasy to flow through our body, mind and spirit.
We cannot become an open doorway for the unification of Heaven and Earth when we do not take good care of our bodies, or when we have shame around our sexuality, or when we are plagued by insecurities, or when we are disconnected from our bodies and our sensations and our ability to give and receive pleasure.
We need to become intimately connected with our own bodies and revere these bodies that we live in as our temples. And these temples of flesh that we reside within, they are the way that we cultivate our attention and our awareness of all the subtle energy and sensations and messages that are arising from within us. We become incredible lovers by learning how to listen deeply to the sensations and messages that are arising from within our bodies, which is why I believe that the first goal of sex is to practice mindfulness.
Erotic Mindfulness is a perspective of sexuality that connects body, mind and spirit – and brings our awareness of our sexuality into our inner body. We cultivate sexuality rooted in an inner gaze within ourselves. We learn how to see ourselves and our bodies through the inner gaze, and we learn how to see our partners and our lovers without looking at the external, but by seeing the connection and the current of life force energy that connects us and circulates between us. We communicate silently and telepathically through the language of pleasure. We ride a shared forcefield of ecstasy that is increasing and increasing.
This is why I believe sex is a form of Qigong. Qigong ultimately translates to “Energy Work” or Life Force Energy Cultivation.
What happens when we cultivate our life force energy with our partner? Transorgasmic Sex.